Queen City Cruise: Poly Tickle Party

by Matthew McQuilkin
Staff writer

For an amazing twentieth year in a row, the Queen City Cruise, sponsored by Tacky Tourist Clubs of America, took sail with its big red lips draped over the front of the boat, and all the camp anyone can stand on deck. With 486 passengers crammed into an Argosy Cruises ship, the increasingly jovial mood of the crowd (due in no small part to the no-host bar) and the fantastic weather made it one of the most memorable cruises ever.

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Event coordinator Randy Henson said there were an unusual number of first-timers on the cruise this year, since it occurred on the same weekend as Vancouver Pride, which drew many of the regulars away from Seattle. "We hope they come back next year, ‘cause they missed a good one," he said. "It was a very energized crowd, with a lot of people dressed in costume in theme with the event."

Prizes were given to "Tacky Tourists of the Year," for the tackiest costume, and for "Coming the greatest distance" (an award was given to a man named Lars, who came from Australia and many other places while writing a book called Around the World in Eighty Lays).

About $8,000 was expected to be raised, which will be split evenly between the Seattle Metropolitan Elections Committee (SEAMEC) and Q Safety Patrol, who also had a presence on the cruise.

The cruise literally surrounded the northern half of the city of Seattle, leaving Pier 55 on the waterfront, traveling through the Ballard Locks and into Lake Washington. The boat reaches its halfway point at Madison Beach before turning back the way it came, passing by other boats on the water, full of friendly people more than willing to wave back at the crowds on the Queen City Cruise cheering madly at whichever shirtless men they may see.

Some of these passing men are so happy to see the ship with the lips that they gleefully pull down the backs of their shorts, in keeping with the tradition of this cruise full of many moons.

"I love it. This is the best weather we’ve ever had," said passenger Marty Abbell, who was taking the cruise for the third time. He said he likes to people watch, and enjoys the "strange people" on this boat in particular.

"I’ve had a wonderful time," said Ron McCoy, who came up from Portland that morning with his partner of seven years, Miles Hilsenberg, on Amtrak to make it on time for the cruise. He said it was well worth the trip, and was impressed by how friendly the people were on passing boats.

"I hope that greater Seattle understands the importance of this," he said, referring to the tourism revenue an event like this brings.

"I’ve had the best time. I bring someone new every time," said Debbie Johnson, one of the few women on the boat. "It’s the most fun thing I’ve ever done, and my friend had a fabulous time."

Henson said there were actually more women on the cruise than usual this year. He said they used to make more of an effort to attract women, but women seemed to prefer the other Lesbian-oriented cruises at different times of the year. "We had a lot comparatively this year," he said, "which is kind of ironic, considering we had a naked man on the poster."

The cruise began with a pre-boarding show, with entertainment by drag performers like co-hosts Mark "Mom" Finley and Marina Dennis; Gaysha Starr; Sylvia O’Stayformore; and Vivian. The cruise this year was called a "Poly Tickle Party" (hence the man with a tickler-many of which were passed out on the cruise-covering his crotch on the promotional poster) and the boat’s decorations were completed with posters reminding passengers of the election dates: September 19 and November 7.

Mark Finley kicked things off by suggesting that we vote for event sponsor Captain Morgan for president, and "Leave the Bush behind."

By the end of the cruise, said former Texan Gary Brashears, "I’ve had so much fun. I love this thing." Staying true to the tackiness of the day (the cruise took place from noon to five), Brashears walked around with false teeth which very realistically appeared rotting. "I like to freak people out," he said. "I don’t get laid, but it’s fun." He said he had another set of teeth, but he accidentally dropped them in the Ballard Locks.

Like so many others, he keeps coming back to the cruise year after year. "Wouldn’t miss it," he added. "It’s a hoot."